HELP! MY CHILD NEEDS A PSYCHOLOGIST

Let’s Break the Cycle — Not Our Spirits

Why the best therapy for your child might just start with you...

Let’s start with a gentle truth bomb: ADHD, Autism, Anxiety, Obsessive-Compulsive traits, even Oppositional Defiant Behaviours — they’re all real. These are not simply phases, parenting flaws, or just “naughty kids being naughty.” They are neurodevelopmental conditions, backed by decades of research, with clear genetic and environmental links (Thapar et al., 2013; CDC, 2023). So if your child’s behaviours feel confusing, confronting, or familiar... they might be. Because chances are, someone else in the family tree shares a similar neurological wiring. (Yes, it could be you.)

And here’s the kicker: those behaviours rarely ride solo.

Research increasingly shows that factors like trauma exposure, sleep disruption, nutrition, sensory processing differences, screen time, and family stress can significantly affect how children experience and express these conditions (Center on the Developing Child, Harvard University, 2017; Rosen et al., 2021). So no, your child is not "playing you." Their behaviour is communicating a need—be it rest, recognition, safety, or support. So yes, therapy might help your child.

But here’s where I throw down a different kind of insight…

This isn’t a blame thrower — it’s a flame thrower. One that lights the path toward something truly powerful: therapy that starts with you, the parent.

I Learned the Hard (But Beautiful) Way

When I first completed the Circle of Security™ Parenting course (which I now run for parents and teachers because it’s that transformative), I had what I can only describe as a psychological mic-drop moment. I was a trained teacher and already a parent—and yet I felt like I’d missed the memo on the stuff that really matters. It hit me hard. I was embarrassed. I was sad. And then I was completely changed.

That was the moment I discovered the real C-word that transforms families: Co-regulation.

Because no matter how much we want our kids to “act right” in public, stop melting down, or behave “normally” (whatever that means), they learn emotional regulation from us. And not from our perfectly calm yoga voice — but from how we repair, reconnect, and show up when it’s hard.

Not sure why your child’s tantrum is pushing your buttons? Why sibling rivalry makes you feel personally attacked? Why their anxiety spikes yours?

That’s not just coincidence. That’s the stuff therapy can help uncover — your emotional blueprint, stress responses, and early experiences—all of which shape your parenting lens.

We’re Not Raising Projects. We’re Raising People.

Most of us spend more on car detailing, Bali holidays, blow-up birthday castles, or $300 trips to Kmart than we’ve ever invested in understanding how to actually parent in a way that supports emotional development and neurodiversity.

And look, I’m not here to take away your holiday budget...but what if I told you the most powerful work you could do for your child’s future is actually for yourself?

When parents come into the therapy space first, something profound happens. They slow down. They reflect. They become more curious and less reactive. And then—surprise, surprise...after some tough work — the kids settle. It's not just therapy that settles us - sometimes it is a good mixture of therapy, rest and even sometimes, medication and/or supplements. I believe in treating the whole person - so I ask a whole lot of questions about a whole lot of things.

That’s why at Fresh Air Psychology & Consulting, I have a simple policy:

“If you want me to see your child, I need to see you first.”

Not because I’m judging you. Not because I think you’ve done it all wrong. But because I need to understand the full picture — your values, your history, your triggers, and your nervous system. That context helps me truly help your child.

So, If You’re Feeling Called Out… You’re Not Alone

If this all feels a little close to home, like I’ve just gently steamrolled your soul — I get it...sorry. I’ve been there. I am there some days.

But this work—this vulnerable, honest, growth-filled work—is worth it.

Not because your child needs to be “fixed,” But because they deserve emotionally safe, attuned, and self-aware adults to guide them. And, there's not enough of these in the world at the moment.

Let’s be real: we’re the grown-ups. We’re the ones driving the bus.

(Which means we should probably learn how the steering wheel works.)

So if you're ready to stop the shame cycle, parent from a place of understanding rather than overwhelm, and raise beautifully complex, spirited kids with calm confidence—therapy might be the best investment you ever make.

References:

• Thapar, A., Cooper, M., Eyre, O., & Langley, K. (2013). What have we learnt about the causes of ADHD? Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 54(1), 3–16.

• CDC (2023). Data and Statistics on ADHD

• Center on the Developing Child. (2017). Toxic Stress and Brain Architecture. Harvard University.

• Rosen, M.L., et al. (2021). The role of family stress in child development and neurodevelopmental outcomes. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 17, 363–387.